NASCAR VS. NYC CABS
I’m trying to get into NASCAR. Really. I don’t want to be the last moron in the country saying “They’re just a bunch of cars going in circles!” Like people who still say “I can’t watch Reality TV- its not REAL!!” These are the same people you'll hear saying “Cell phone? Why do I need a cell phone?”
But I am having difficulty. I mean they are driving cars. In a circle. When things get too intense they crash into a wall. Or each other. And occasionally die. It’s difficult for me to appreciate this as a sport. Or game. Or show. Or modern gladiatorial event.
I think I’ve figured out part of the problem and why NASCAR remains a small town, non-coastal rural phenomenon and not a big city trend.
This exclusively urban phenomenon, when experienced first hand on a daily basis, I believe negates much of the awe-inspiring entertainment value of NASCAR. Lets compare:
NASCAR DRIVERS drive multi-million dollar high tech precision vehicles.
CABBIES drive small yellow tanks held together with duct tape and hummus.
NASCAR DRIVERS drive on flat, circular tracks.
CABBIES drive on crowded city streets with random turns, pedestrians, hippopatamus sized potholes, emergency vehicles, traffic signals, dogs, horses, trucks, buses, bicycles, vespas, motorcycles and other cars and cabs all driving equally random routes as fast as humanly possible.
NASCAR DRIVERS drive same route every race (a circle).
CABBIES never know where they are going from one 'race' to the next. Often the passenger doesn’t know either.
NASCAR DRIVERS receive instructions and information on track conditions, traffic, car performance etc from a team of professionals via state of the art wireless communication equipment.
CABBIES receive instructions from impatient rich white people in the back seat.
NASCAR DRIVERS can communicate their intentions via wireless integrated headseats.
CABBIES must use a horn and middle finger.
NASCAR DRIVERS get champagne, gorgeous models and a huge paycheck at the end of the race.
CABBIES get a pocket full of singles and an assortment of bodily fluids to be cleaned off the back seats.
NASCAR DRIVERS get all necessary information communicated in their native language- Southern.
CABBIES' chances of receiving instructions in their native language- zero.
NASCAR- If you bump into another vehicle, you could get hurt or worse.
CABBIES- Same, but the injuries will be from a knife or gunshot.