About ten yrs. ago, my friend shows up at my place with a pretty, young blonde. He introduces his new wife, gives a quick explanation of a hazy Vegas weekend, and their plans to move to Los Angeles to become movie stars. This would sound impulsive and crazy, but it would appear he had met the perfect woman. She was a gorgeous singer/ dancer/ actress/ computer scientist/ law student millionaire, with homes in Malibu and Arizona. She also claimed to be bisexual. And a virgin. If even half of these claims were true, he would be crazy NOT to marry her.
When the divorce was settled two years later, it was learned that the perfect woman was actually just an insane stripper. My friend summed up his error in judgment thusly- “I’m from a small town in New Hampshire. I’ve never met a crazy person before.”
I experienced Donna's (let’s call her ‘Donna’, shall we, just in case she ever completes that law degree…) less than conventional behavior first hand, when I also moved out to Los Angeles to pursue my own dreams in the entertainment business. I moved into their apartment in the valley and set up my computer so I could get busy typing and sending out letters and resumes. One day, Donna asks me if she can surf the web on the computer while I’m out. I say, “Sure”. She is a computer scientist right, what’s the harm?
When I arrive home, my inbox is overflowing. In addition to numerous requests from friends and business acquaintances asking to be removed from my emailing list (Donna thought it would be cute to "introduce herself". The recipients of the infantile diatribe did not agree), there are about a half dozen messages from various medical websites. They all read something like this:
“Dear MR. Romita:
If you are experiencing extreme pain and persistent menstrual bleeding, we strongly urge you to go to the emergency room immediately.”
I must have stared at the computer for a day and a half. Horror, anger, confusion and yes, I think even some breakthrough bleeding.
I finally mustered the strength to inquire if she had possibly visited any medical websites and sent out any emails. She denied everything. So vehemently that I eventually had to read the responses aloud, to which my friend, her husband, giggled, then immediately aged 10 years in the realization that this weird web of deceit and male menstruation was spun by his life-mate.
I wrote her off as bonkers and moved out as quickly as possible. Last we heard, Donna was moving “down south.” Or joining the army. Or a professional soccer player.