Tom Romita

Writer. Director. Frustrated Human.

Tom has been successfully (not) writing “unscripted” television shows for almost twenty years.  From the romantic comedy of “Blind Date” and “Matched in Manhattan,” to the family drama of “Wife Swap” and “Shalom in the Home,” to the workplace shenanigans of “Counting Cars” and “New York Ink,” Tom has crafted stories to the delight of millions of viewers over the years.  He’s reached a level of success that has allowed him to live in the city he loves, New York, and secure a wife and daughter so beautiful, people think he’s adopted.  But now, he’s doing it the right way. He’s writing stuff down. Right here. Please enjoy his website, and feel free to share, Tweet or contact Tom directly to say hi, exchange ideas, or introduce him to really rich people who might want to produce his movies.


Cheating is always bad. When there is a breach of sacred trust in a loving relationship it is never a good thing. And it is always someone’s fault. And it’s not always the man’s. Even when he’s the one cheating.

I would guess the majority of infidelity involves a man’s inability to control his urges when heightened by alcohol, accessible breasts or a lethal combination of the three. I would think a very small number of unfaithful encounters occur when a man or woman is in a decent relationship and stumbles upon a ‘soul mate’ outside the relationship. I’m not going to talk about either of those scenarios. The Spice Channel and Lifetime Network, respectively, have covered them fully. I'm here to talk about sex. And the lack thereof.

Women like sex. They don’t NEED it. It’s not like oxygen or shopping to them. Men need it. It’s their life's goal to get it. The roots of this phenomenon are biological, involve a woman’s nine months of infertility during the reproductive process, and are the subject of a different essay.

There are a number of women, who, once married, realize they can have everything they want and need in life, due to their new founded legal status, and not have to deal with the messy ritual of sex; protection, companionship, funds, shelter, food, friends, a social life, children etc. An unsatiated man would give up all of this for a great roll in the hay. Once these women realize that they can have everything they want in life, and sex is no longer a factor in getting these things, they stop having it. How does this work in practice? Like this:

Sue meets Tim, and in him sees an opportunity for everything in life she wants. Sue has sex with Tim because she enjoys Tim’s company and the opportunities he can provide her. She may be enjoying it, or she may be enjoying how much HE’S enjoying it, further insuring his fidelity, and her benefits that accompany it. Tim marries Sue, because he enjoys her company, AND the great sex. Sue marries Tim, because she enjoys his company, AND all the opportunities and comforts a husband like Tim will provide for her. After marriage, Sue, for whatever reason, decides she doesn’t want to have sex anymore, so she stops. (It doesn’t just happen in sitcoms). At this point, Tim has three choices, divorce (which will cost him half of his money), a lifelong intimate relationship with himself, or cheat, which could cost more than money, if he gets caught. In every scenario, Tim loses, Sue WINS. You say she loses by losing the man she loves? Bullshit, if she loved him she’d be giving him the ONE thing he needs. She is in complete control of her life at this point, and Tim is not.

This is how women trap men. I don’t believe it’s always a conscious action. A woman who doesn’t particularly like sex can one day just decide to stop having it. A man’s genetics won’t allow him that freedom.

Women reading this will likely have a disgusted reaction because they think marriage is some kind of magical event that transcends something as trivial as getting off. It’s not. If it were, there would be no strip clubs, pornography, prostitutes, and a divorce rate of 50%. Marriage is basically an arrangement between two people that states they will be having sex with only each other- forever. Women have two options in this arrangement, have sex with their husband or have sex with no one. Men have only one option; hope and pray their wives continue to have sex with them, or they face the possibility of kissing their money, house and children goodbye.

So this is why some men cheat. Is this the right thing for these men to do? Perhaps the more important question is- Is marrying a man and then denying him sex the wrong thing to do? Some women think that their company is so amazing that it will make a man forget that he is not getting any. It’s not. When a man meets a beautiful, smart, witty, charming, sexy, engaging, perfect soul mate- he thinks, “This is the woman I would like to have sex with for the rest of my life!” But when that beautiful, smart, witty, charming, sexy, engaging, perfect soul mate cuts him off, the dentally challenged,  ditsy cocktail waitress at the corner bar becomes the soul mate of the moment.