Tom Romita

Writer. Director. Frustrated Human.

Tom has been successfully (not) writing “unscripted” television shows for almost twenty years.  From the romantic comedy of “Blind Date” and “Matched in Manhattan,” to the family drama of “Wife Swap” and “Shalom in the Home,” to the workplace shenanigans of “Counting Cars” and “New York Ink,” Tom has crafted stories to the delight of millions of viewers over the years.  He’s reached a level of success that has allowed him to live in the city he loves, New York, and secure a wife and daughter so beautiful, people think he’s adopted.  But now, he’s doing it the right way. He’s writing stuff down. Right here. Please enjoy his website, and feel free to share, Tweet or contact Tom directly to say hi, exchange ideas, or introduce him to really rich people who might want to produce his movies.

SO I TRIED CYBERDATING…

So I’m a 30 something, eligible bachelor in the big city. I’ve always thought of myself as relatively charming and savvy on the dating scene, and have been with my share of beautiful, wonderful women. Finding myself in a bit of a dry- spell lately, some friends have suggested online dating. Actually the conversations go something like this:

ME: “Can you believe the new democratic congress is bulldozing out interim UN ambassador John Bolton after acknowledging that he was finally bringing the necessary accountability and reform to the outdated and obsolete organization?!”

FRIEND: “Dude you need to get laid. I find lots of whores on MySpace.”

To tell the truth, the idea of experiencing someone’s mind before seeing their outer packaging is both intriguing, and frightening as hell. I decided to conduct a little social experiment with myself, MySpace, and my wallet. I joined the sites. ALL of them.

I whipped out my mouse and my credit card and started filling out profiles- MySpace, Nerve, True, Yahoo, E-Harmony, Match.com, Date.com, SingleFlyfishingJugglers.com, you name it, I joined it. I posted a nice back-lit, high-angle picture that hides my double chin, and wrote some witty, pseudo-obnoxious, 90% honest stuff down. (I don’t think my baby horse-like calves relegate me to an “Average” body type. I’m going with “Athletic”. They don’t ask the really important stuff like “are you are a transsexual crackhead serial killer?”- so I don’t feel compelled to warn the ladies of my lightbulb-esque physique). Here’s my experience with each:

E-Harmony: I spend a week and a half and a few hundred bucks filling out a million question profile to find my “perfect soul-mate”, another month exchanging thoughts with women who don’t post their pictures. I eventually land a date with an aspiring actress who looked like the love-child of Ernest Borgnine and Yoda. A second date did not we have. E-Ya-Later... F-U Dr. Neil Clark Warren, should never trust a guy with three first names...

Yahoo Personals, Match.com, Date.com: Hundreds of pictures of beautiful women who don’t respond to me. Sometimes I would log on, light a few candles, have a glass of wine and just click around by myself…

MySpace, Nerve, and True: These are the sites that apparently have not figured out how to keep international “ladies of the evening” from using their sites to generate business, with the help of an electronic English translator. Here’s an example of a typical MySpace response I get about once a week:

Big Booty in Djibouti writes:

Deer Mr. Tom:

It is pleased to make your happy MySpace friend! My profile are much hot and delicate to you! My like American men, write back or visit in so lovely Africa! For seven cows and Casio clock radio to my family, my booty see for you like Jay-Z MTV video show! Yes you do! Ok- tell to soon! Burger King!

Severely,
Mhgcldkajaklb 7 Fd (pronounced click, click, cluck, tsk, tsk, fffsst, cluck, apparently the '7' is silent.

As much as I admire the fair Click cluck’s resourcefulness and determination, and I'm all for expanding one's horizons, I'm not sure I can make this work. The travel, the language and cultural barriers, where to get the cows…

For all the trouble “live” dating is, the alternative is really, well, weird. I’m going to the bar. Or perhaps give I’ll give “SexySudokuSingles.com” one more shot…