Tom Romita

Writer. Director. Frustrated Human.

Tom has been successfully (not) writing “unscripted” television shows for almost twenty years.  From the romantic comedy of “Blind Date” and “Matched in Manhattan,” to the family drama of “Wife Swap” and “Shalom in the Home,” to the workplace shenanigans of “Counting Cars” and “New York Ink,” Tom has crafted stories to the delight of millions of viewers over the years.  He’s reached a level of success that has allowed him to live in the city he loves, New York, and secure a wife and daughter so beautiful, people think he’s adopted.  But now, he’s doing it the right way. He’s writing stuff down. Right here. Please enjoy his website, and feel free to share, Tweet or contact Tom directly to say hi, exchange ideas, or introduce him to really rich people who might want to produce his movies.

MOM…DAD…SIT DOWN

Interior. Night. Nice apartment somewhere on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

A young-man in his 20s enters room with overnight bag, greeted by two 50 something parents.

Mom: Hello Michael, oh its so good to see you

Dad: Hey big guy

Michael: Hi guys, good to see you too.

Mom: How are things in God’s country?

Dad: Making friends? Breaking hearts ha ha?

Michael: Great, really great. Guys there’s something I want to talk to you about.

Mom: What is it Michael?

Dad: Yeah son, what is it?

Micheal: Come here- sit down. It’s like, well, now that I’m out of the city, things are different in Indiana. I feel… different. My life is just changing a lot, and I wanted to let you know.

Mom: Michael what do you mean? Are you ok?

Michael: Yeah oh yeah, never better actually. It’s just, well I wanted to talk to you about…

Dad: About what Mike?

Michael: Well, hmm. You see in Indiana, people are different. More open to ideas, lifestyles that I was never exposed to before. It’s made me think a lot and I’ve realized some things about myself. It’s like a whole new world has opened up to me, I feel for the first time that I can finally express my feelings as I’ve always wanted to but never could without being scrutinized, laughed at and left out. I want to live my life proudly, without shame. I’ve met some people, that I really love and respect, and I’ve been spending a lot of time with them, especially one, and I just wanted to tell you myself, before you heard it from someone else, that’s all.

Michael’s father takes his hand and looks directly in his eyes.

Dad: Son , you know whatever it is you want to say, we’re here for you, to love you and support you forever, no matter what.

Mom: Of course dear. We always have and always will love you unconditionally.

Michael: No, I know, I just thought I should tell you myself.

Michael’s mother and father exchange a look and prepare for what is coming.

Dad: Well go ahead son, we love you.

Long pause...

Michael: I’m a Republican.

Mom and Dad let go of his hands and stand up in utter shock.

Mom: What?! No!!

Dad: No, son wait, no, you can’t, are you sure?

Michael: (upset) Yes I’m sure, what do you mean am I sure?!

Dad: Well I mean you were always such a nice, caring, thoughtful boy. What happenned?!

Michael: Huh?!

Mom: Son sit down, let’s talk, this may just be a phase-

Michael: This is not a phase! I’m a right wing fiscal and social conservative and proud of it.

Mom: Aaaagggghh! (Sobs)

Dad: Now son watch what you say, you are upsetting your mother.

Michael: You know I thought you might be a little surprised but I never thought you would react like this, you always prided yourself in being open minded.

Mom: Well yes Son but come on- a Republican? I mean what happened? Who did this to you!!?? Was it Eric??!! (to husband) I told you I didn’t like that boy!!

Dad: Maybe you should move back home.

Michael: What?!?! No, I don’t want to move back home. I love Indiana and I love the Grand Ole’ Party!

Mom: (Gasp!!)

Dad:  Now son, you are talking crazy, we are going to talk about this, get some help and work through this together, all right?

Michael: Help?! I don’t need help.

Mom: It’s ok son, we still have Dr. Chang’s number, you remember the nice man who fixed your bedwetting problem?

Michael: Mom!!

Dad: Son, I don’t understand. How did this happen. What did I do wrong?

Michael: Nothing!! No one did anything wrong, I’m fine. I’m a fine, happy, healthy, pro-life Christian, God-fearing, Fox news watching, conservative, Bush supporting, NRA card carrying Republican.

Mom: (Gasp!!) Ohhhhh!!!!

Dad: Oh I’ve heard quite enough.

Michael: What is wrong with you?

Dad: It’s what’s wrong with you young man, these “friends” of yours have twisted your mind into thinking what you are doing is actually normal.

Mom: It’s wrong, it’s wrong, it’s unhealthy, it’s not natural. (to husband) This is because of your God damned country music albums!!

Dad: It’s because you breast fed him too long!! I told you…

Mom: You made him eat steak!!!

Michael: Dad!! Mom, just calm down. Everything will be ok.

Dad: It’s not ok. You just pop in here and announce you are a Republican and think we are going to be ok?

Mom: (sob) What are we going to tell the family (sob).

Dad: Oh, the neighbors. The New Equality Club!! (grabs phone) I’m calling Pastor Higgins, Michael get your bag we’re going to get help.

Michael: Dad!! Stop it sit down, calm down. I really can’t believe you guys are reacting like this. I’m happy, healthy, successful, got a great girlfriend, things are perfect for the first time in my life. I know who I am. Why can’t you be happy for me?

Mom: Son, you may think you are happy, but you can’t be, you won’t be for long, oh it’s just wrong!!! (sob)

Dad: Son this just isn’t right, you need to think about what you are doing. Your life. Your future. Your future children…

Michael: You know I don’t believe this, I mean I heard a story like this once on Rush Limbaugh…

Mom: Ahhh! (faints, clutching her chest)

Dad: No!!! That’s it, enough, get the phone, call Dr. Chang, and the Pastor. Call the Call everyone. Call Michael Moore!

Michael face palms.

Lights out.