Tom Romita

Writer. Director. Frustrated Human.

Tom has been successfully (not) writing “unscripted” television shows for almost twenty years.  From the romantic comedy of “Blind Date” and “Matched in Manhattan,” to the family drama of “Wife Swap” and “Shalom in the Home,” to the workplace shenanigans of “Counting Cars” and “New York Ink,” Tom has crafted stories to the delight of millions of viewers over the years.  He’s reached a level of success that has allowed him to live in the city he loves, New York, and secure a wife and daughter so beautiful, people think he’s adopted.  But now, he’s doing it the right way. He’s writing stuff down. Right here. Please enjoy his website, and feel free to share, Tweet or contact Tom directly to say hi, exchange ideas, or introduce him to really rich people who might want to produce his movies.

#$&% YOU WOODY HARRELSON

Remember Woody Harrelson, that dim-witted pseudo-eponymous ‘Coach’ replacement on ‘Cheers’? He followed that stint with a relatively successful movie career, and then disappeared for about five years. You only heard of him when he was growing poppy plants in schoolyards or trying to run his Ferrari on bird shit. Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson’s post ‘Cheers’ antics make you wonder if they were serving Commie-Cakes and Lenin-ade at the craft-services table of the ol’ bar set. Who would’ve thought that Kirstie Ally would turn out to be the most even-minded of the Bull and Finch Ex-pats?

So His Woodness has re-emerged as a lawyer in a new movie about a poor white trash worker suing a successful corporation. Shocking. I wonder who wins? Can’t you see Woody getting up in front of the jury, “You know, I’ve had a revelation. Just because some toothless jerk-off tries to dry-hump Charlize Theron, there’s no reason to take down an entire corporation.” Anyway, cue the Oscar theme…

I was watching Letterman the other night and Woody Harrelson was the lead guest. I knew I should have flipped to Leno, but something made me stay. Woody informed Dave that for the last five years he had been spending his millions living in Maui and Amsterdam, smoking pot, farming, wiping his ass with tree bark, purposefully endangering his life on a daily basis, and having children. Dave praised his Enviro-Commie lifestyle, to which Woodhead responded:

“Well Dave you know, with the hurricanes, tsunamis, and earthquakes, something has to be done. We are relying too much on fossil fuels and we are paying for it. Scientists predicted exactly this, years ago, and now its happening.”

At this point the Upper East Side of Manhattan was awakened by a blood curdling shriek and the sound of glass breaking and a television set crashing into the street below. I apologize.

I should know better by now, but I was truly shocked at the Left for blaming fat white Republicans in their SUVs for hurricane Katrina. Despite the fact that EVERY meteorologist says this is a completely predictable natural cycle with heavy hurricane seasons following lighter ones, that didn’t stop the Left from blaming the Right.

Why not? Besides the current “the world is melting” scenario, they have blamed the Right for the overpopulation in the 50’s, dead baby birds in the 60’s, a New Ice Age due to global COOLING in the 70’s, and who could forget the ‘death from above’ Acid Rain of the 80’s and ozone depletion induced ‘hole in the sky’ of the 90’s? Frightening stuff. But last I checked, we just had one of the coldest winters ever, followed by one of the warmest summers, there are plenty of birds (too many in New York City), we are not killing our neighbors for a $1000 piece of cheese, people are not vaporizing on the beach, and when it rains, we do not disintegrate. Can you say “Scare Tactics”?

These completely fabricated and 100% inaccurate ‘end of the world’ predictions have not changed the perceptions of some of the greatest purveyors of this misinformation as some of the great environmental minds of the day. Paul Ehrlich and Al Gore are regarded as such and have made millions as “experts” despite the fact that they both predicted the world would meet its demise years ago, in “The Population Bomb”, and “Earth in the Balance”, respectively.

So its not surprising that a tree hugging stoner actor gets a round of applause after announcing that my Ford Explorer’s fumes caused the earth’s plates to shift thousands of feet below the Indian Ocean, and under the mountains of Pakistan, killing thousands. The hurricane propaganda at least had a well-stretched leg in reality and showed a bit of ‘creative connectivity’ between the unrelated factors, but earthquakes? Have you NO shame Woodhead? Mr. Harrelson would you PLEASE tell me how the use of fossil fuels lead to the earth's plates shifting in Indonesia and Pakistan? I'm not asking for references, there clearly aren't any, I challenge you to even try to make something up. I don’t think its possible to creatively connect oil use and plate techtonics, even in a Maui Wowie induced pseudo-coma. And while you are at it, I would like ONE name of a scientist who predicted these earthquakes. Just one. You announced it to millions, is asking for one name too much?

I once heard that facts to a Liberal are like Kryptonite to Superman. Fearing the death of ideals that keep them permanently entrenched in their ivory towers, Liberals avoid contact with facts, which is why Mr. Harrleson will never respond to my, or anyone’s challenges, and why “Air America” talk radio, a medium that requires Liberals to actually defend their positions, not just announce them as doctrine to largely ignorant and easily riled masses, is an enormous failure.

What will it take for the reasonable among us to say “We’ve had enough!”? Perhaps when Woodistotle announces a link between gunpowder and AIDS.

Howard Dean is on Letterman tonight. I would flip to Leno. If I still had a TV.